hii
My name is Tal wirzberger and this is my beautiful blog! I am 14 years old. I was born on the 2nd of November 1994 at the Wolfson Hospital in Hulon, Israel. I don't have any brothers, I'm an only child. I have brown hair and brown eyes. I am very thin also because I practice 3 or 4 times a week in football , as I play in 3 different teams . 2 are school teams and 1 is in Maccbi Holon girls squad .
My mother always says"I am not know how she survivingon eating nothing but air".
My love for football has started from the age of 3 years old , when my father took me for the first time to watch a football game of Happoel Tel- Aviv, his favorite team. I fell in love with the team And I became a fanatic fan.
My hobbies are : watching and playing football ,watcing TV, computer games, movies , talking to my friends and shopping of course .In my spare time or during holidays I usually sleep till late and then I go to my friends or they come to me .We like going to the beach to get a suntan .I really love the beach from an early age .
There are two things that I don't like in my school, first is the lines to the cafeteria, it is so long. One day I had to wait for 20 minutes to buy a toast. The second thing I don't like is the air-condition in my class, it is cools only the first seats and the rest of the class is hot. The things I like in my school are that the teachers explain the study material very good and the home room class teacher is a wonderful teacher. My preferred subject at school is Math, because I am really good in this subject, and my math teacher is great.
My expectations from this coming year are to advance in my studying and to do well in all subjects. Also, i hope to have a pleasant and friendly time with my teachers and friends. I hope to make my parents proud of me. I wish every one in my school, friends and teachers, a very good coming year in our school.
Tal, this your essay with my comments is it. Your writing is very good, it's well structured, clear and interesting, but please pay attention to grammar and spelling - as I pointed out here:
posted by talwi @ 9:18 PM
1 Comments:
Tal, this your essay with my comments is it. Your writing is very good, it's well structured, clear and interesting, but please pay attention to grammar and spelling - as I pointed out here:
My name is Tal wirzberger and this is my beautiful blog!
I am 14 years old. I was born on the 2nd of November 1994 at the Wolfson Hospital in Hulon, Israel.
I don't have any brothers, I'm an only child. I have brown hair and brown eyes. I am very thin also because I practice 3 or 4 times a week in football , as I play in 3 different teams . 2 are school teams and 1 is in Maccbi Holon girls squad .
My mother always says(she doesn't know how I survive on…..) " I don't know how this girl survives on eating nothing but air " My love with (for) football has started From the age of 3 years old , when my father ( today it's his birthday )-מיותר took me for the first time to watch a football games of Happoel Tel- Aviv. His favorite team. I fell in love with the team And I became a fanatic fan.
My hobbies are : watching and playing football , TV, computer games, movies , talking to my friends and shopping of course .
In me spare time or during holidays I usually sleep till late and then I go to my friends or they come to me .We like going to the beach to get a suntan .I really loves the beach from an early age . Sometime I (do) surf till late in the evening and then my family needs to persuade me to go home (rephrase this part of the sentence).
I have a lot of friends and I like them all and they like me, I hope we will be together for ever(What's the connection between this sentence and the next one? The first sentence of this paragraph shouldn't be here).
2 things (instead write: There are two things that) I don't like in my school, first is the lines in (to) the cafeteria, (it is) so long. One day I had to wait for 20 minutes to buy a toast. The second thing I don't like is the air-condition in my class its cooling (gr.) only the first seats and the rest of the class is hot. The things I like in my school are that the teachers explain the (study) material very (good) and the home room teacher is a wonderful teacher.My preferred subject at school is Math, because I am really good in this subject, and my math teacher is great.
My expectations from this coming year are to advance in my studying and to do well in all subjects. Also, i hope to have a pleasant and friendly time with my teachers and friends. I hope to make (my) both (of my) parents proud of me.
I wish every one in my school, friends and teachers,a very good coming year in our school
TAL WIRZBERGER
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